We offer a system of proven spiritual tools that if applied systematically will inevitably result in your freedom from economic insecurity as well as your living a joyous, meaningful and prosperous life.
However, there is one thing that will undermine all of these teachings and which is guaranteed to result in your life being miserable and impoverished. That one thing is trying to be someone you are not. Let me explain by way of an example.
Many years ago when I had just begun my spiritual path, (after perhaps 5-6 years of dedicated work), I thought of myself as a monk. I did not then actually know what a monk really was, but I liked the idea of this and began calling myself a monk. However, a man who did know me confronted me when he heard me refer to myself as a monk and said words to the effect that I would never be a monk. He was emphatic almost to the point of outrage.
I have since met Tibetan Monks, Buddhist Monks, Hindu Monks, Zen Monks and a number of other monks, and my friend was right. I will just never be a monk. You see at the time that I was calling myself a monk, I really was a fierce and ruthless trial attorney- I was a seasoned and battle hardened litigator. Yes, I was on a spiritual path and eventually I would become a skilled and successful mediator and then a minister, but I was never going to become a monk. I was a seeker, a mystic, a maverick and perhaps a heretic, but not a monk.
The point is that if I had continued to try to be a monk I would not have been true to myself. I would have either been a spiritual fraud or a miserable failure. There is nothing wrong with being a monk, but it was not me and it was not my path. It was not authentic to my true nature. My friend who saw me so clearly as never being a monk was acting with ruthless compassion when he spoke up and confronted me. I have always been grateful for his courage to speak up. His words saved me from learning the hard way that I must be true to myself if I want joyous prosperity. Me wanting to be a monk was never going to result in my inner peace and fulfillment but me being a mystic and seeker has lead me to a life filled with joy, mystery, growth and blessings.
It has been my observation that one of the common ways that people fall into the trap of trying to be someone they are not is when they are trying to live out their understanding of the dreams/expectations of someone else. In my case, I had a girlfriend during the time I posed as a monk, who saw herself as a yogi. In order for her to be a yogi, she apparently projected that she needed a partner that was a monk. To my recollection she never said this out loud, but I certainly picked it up and ran with it because of my desire to please her and to be her partner on the spiritual path.
When someone we love wants us to fill the role that they need filled, our desire to please them can superficially supersede our own soul yearning. We see this so often when a parent wants their offspring to be a doctor or lawyer. They send them off to law school or medical school but right before the bar exam (or right before their medical boards) the child realizes that they are completely in the wrong field and are only doing it to please their parents. This type of thing happens all too often, as in youth sports or in
It is very hard for the child to see this because their very self image is often dependent on pleasing their parents. When I was a teenager, my father projected that he would soon need a manager for the carpet/flooring sales division in his business. When I graduated from college I became a carpet salesman. The first seven or eight years of my career were to get approval and recognition from my father. It has been hard work for me to discover my own authentic self. I have had to be very intentional about it and make many mis steps along the way. If you find that you have given up a part of yourself to fulfill someone else’s dream or needs, be fierce in breaking the bond and be gentle with yourself in allowing yourself to grieve the losses inherent in this part of your journey.
A variant of powerful parent child dynamic is the overly rebellious or defiant child. They too temporarily loose their own way by defining themselves in conflict with their parents and the society in which they were raised. They are not able to read their own soul’s yearnings because it is overshadowed with their need to individuate against their parents. In this case, their authentic self gets lost because they are so attached to not being like their parents. It is somewhat ironic to see so many of the Hippie era youth now living very conventional middle class lives. They have become the very thing that they were rebelling against.
Another common pitfall is to continually wish for a life that is not really our own. I know someone who is very self reliant and competent and a very hard worker. She is organized and productive and forceful and a mature woman. She keeps wanting to be seen as a princess. Moreover, she wants to be seen as an elegant princess. (In her belief structure princesses are meant to be rescued and cared for, meant to enjoy beauty and elegance, and most importantly be adored and sought after for their grace, beauty and innocence). But unfortunately, in my judgment (and by her own admission) she is not really princess material: she does not have the sense of entitlement that the princess archetype requires. There is nothing wrong with being a princess if that is your true nature, but trying to be treated like a princess when it is not your true nature is never going to result in the experience of lasting joy or success.
Instead of holding on to an image of our selves that is not authentic, the path to a sense of welling being, inner peace and contentment will have to come from discovering an authentic self and then growing accordingly. To manifest an authentic self in real time will be work, but it is work that will energize and empower each step along the way.
There are rare times when someone else can see the gold within in us the way that Michelangelo could see the statue within a block of granite. All he needed to do was chip away the granite that was not the statue and he would have a masterpiece. They key here, of course, is that Michelangelo had the gift of vision. His eye could see in stark relief that which appeared to be hidden to the ordinary eye.
Most people have not manifested this level of insight, nor do they have the disinterested objectivity to be flawless in their seeing. The path to uncovering an authentic self requires rigorous honesty and self awareness. So far as I know, there are no short cuts. As best I can tell, it is the most interesting and compelling spiritual work that we can do. It is also the most rewarding and the most painfully humbling.
We teach that when you are being your authentic self, you cannot fail- your success if guaranteed. You will make mistakes along the way of course and learn from them with ease and grace- at least that is what I keep telling myself each time I make another mistake.
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