Monday, August 31, 2009

Light Reflecting off a Top Hat- Sept. 2009 Prosperity Thoughts

One of the core Spiritual Truths that we teach is that our dreams, deeply held and with lots of positive emotion attached will activate the Organizing Intelligence of the Universe to manifest our yearnings. We also teach that when we follow our life purpose, it inevitably leads to success. Here is a true story that provides a beautiful junction of these two principles.

A good friend of mine wrote the other day that he especially liked watching iconic black and white movies, especially those from the '30's and '40's. More importantly to this tale, for the past three or four decades, every time he saw a character wearing the classic top hat in those films, he wanted one. Apparently he loved the way light would reflect off of the top hats and appear to spin off the spiral at the top of the hat, much in the same way that many others love the way a diamond, prism, or a stained glass window can do magical things to light.

It turns out that only the very highest quality top hats make the light dance, and the reason was that they were made of beaver pelts rather than cheaper materials. His dream of owning a brand new top hat of the finest quality seemed absurd in the 21st century. So far as he knew, such top hats had not been made since the 40's or 50's. He figured that any that could be found would probably be antiques--old, worn, and if in decent condition, prohibitively expensive. Moreover, even if he could find one from that era, what would be the odds that it would be his exact hat size?

Nonetheless, over the years he often commented when watching the old movies that he'd love to own one someday--and why. The Universe listened, and so did his family.

A few months ago, his three children captured the Divine Idea of making his dream come true. (I will skip over this man's karma, but it will suffice to say that he has made many people's dreams come true over his lifetime, especially the dreams of his children. The recent economic downturn crushed his business and yet he remains one of the most generous and kind people I know.)

On his recent birthday, his 52nd, he opened a present from his three children. In his hands he held the most improbable and craziest gift he had ever received: a very handsome--, downright beautiful!--top hat that reflects the light in exactly the way he'd wanted for decades!

His son (someone who once whipped me badly on computer games when he was younger) found an old European immigrant in Cincinnati, Gus, who still makes top hats by hand. The three kids all chipped in to buy one from Gus. Gus is the proprietor of a small hat shop in Cincinnati, Ohio, that has been in business making hats for 100 years. Gus started working there as a teenager for his uncle when he immigrated from a small village in Greece. When Gus started he knew nothing about hats, but he worked hard and learned the business first hand. After working his way up as an employee from stockroom sweeper to hat maker, he eventually purchased the shop.

Now, he has worked in the same little shop for 56 years. Men's hats have fallen seriously out of style over the years, and there is almost no one in America making hats anymore. But Gus has thrived during these downturns because he is “old school”. He makes perhaps the finest hats in America. He is a craftsman in an authentic way; even in this internet age he has no marketing aside from word of mouth- no web site, no e-mail, not even a fax machine…and yet, his word of mouth is fantastic.

Most of his customers have to come into the shop in person for a fitting. The customer's firsthand experience of Gus' passion for his work and his personal commitment to excellence is so remarkable that customers can't wait to tell their friends and write letters of gratitude. While sitting in the shop being waited on in person, Gus' customers will read letters of appreciation and thanks that are framed and posted all over the wall of the shop.

But as you could guess, given the level of love that Gus puts into each hat sold, they are not just ordinary letters. Gus has created and sold hats to some of the most famous people in the world and has done so for generations. Singer Luciano Pavarotti, comedian Bill Cosby, the late comic Red Skelton and entertainer Tony Bennett. He has fitted at least three US Presidents in that shop. Why do they come to him in “flyover country” like Cincinnati? Deion Sanders, famous football and baseball player and NFL analyst said of Gus that "the service you get is undeniably the best in the business."

Since my friend's top hat was a surprise gift, his kids could not get it fitted properly before hand, so as could be expected the fit isn't quite right. It is a bit loose front-to-back, and a little too tight on the sides, so it sits a little high and rocks back and forth slightly on his head. Not to worry, because Gus is a craftsman who makes hats as his life's work. He has a calling and his passion for making outstanding hats is his dream. Impeccable customer service is just a part of his calling and so Gus had already promised my friend's children that he would re-fit the hat so that it would fit perfectly.

When my friend called to arrange to have his top hat refitted he got the true treasure within the birthday gift. He learned that Gus told his children that the top hat they wanted would be very expensive and strongly suggested something less costly. My friend then learned that his kids talked about the alternative, but in the end his kids told Gus that they wanted this exact top hat for their dad. They decided that it didn't matter how much they'd have to work to pay for it because it would take them a lifetime to repay their father for all the blessings he had given them. And so, my friend manifested the precise top hat of his dreams.

I would guess that the desire that my friend has for a top hat is easily surpassed by the deep passion that he and his wife have held for years to raise a loving family. In this case, the Organizing Intelligence in the Universe co-created a situation where both desires could be true on the same birthday. Happy birthday, my friend.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Prosperity in the Doldrums

Believe it or not, I first found out that "doldrums" was a real word a few years ago when I was at Unity Village taking classes. I grew up on the West Coast and we had the Santa Anna Winds that came up in the afternoons. We had the El Ninjo/La Ninja ocean currents that pulled cold water down from the Arctic or brought warm water up from Baja. We had Marine Inversion Layers. We also had micro climates galore, but we did not have a weather pattern called the doldrums.

At Unity Village I learned that in certain regions in the South and Midwest there were times in the summer when the air became stiflingly hot, humid and still so that it is almost deprived of sufficient oxygen to comfortably breathe. One day I was walking to class and it was hot and muggy and I was having trouble breathing as I walked and someone explained that it was the doldrums. Prior to that moment, I thought the doldrums was a nautical term that described the absence of trade winds such that sailing ships would be stranded for days or weeks on the high sea waiting for the wind to pick up. I also knew that in colloquial usage, "The summer doldrums" or "having in the doldrums" referred to that period toward the very end of summer vacation when all the fun had leached out of summer and we were waiting for school to resume in the fall.

As I write at the very end of August, it seems appropriate to see how the doldrums fit in with the theme of prosperity. I have generally understood the doldrums to involve a state of listlessness, inactivity and stagnation. Emotionally it feels despondent and energetically it feels like being in a slump. On the surface, this seems the exact opposite of prosperity consciousness which for most people feels vibrant, expansive and exciting. So, how does a concept like the doldrums, exist in an abundant and prosperous universe.

In nature, there are times of great expansion (typically spring) and times of dormancy ( typically winter). In understanding our experience of our prosperity it is important to incorporate these concepts as energetic fields in our own being. Prosperity consciousness is not some frantic, manic or hyper mind set. It does include time for direct action, it also includes times of waiting and times of indirect action. They key is to harmonize our actions with our energy flow so that we create synergy. I recall one sage teacher suggesting to me that the optimum way to live life was to reel in what was heading towards us and reel out that was heading away from us.

These ebbs and flows of energy and enthusiasm are all around us. Popular music goes through crazes where one type of song is all the rage and then a few years later the same type of music (or performer) is passe'. Certain books are hugely topical for a very short period and then practicably unsellable afterwards. Clothing styles are also subject to fads where a specific look is "in" one season and "out" the next year. Nothing can be done to change this, and so within the context of prosperity consciousness we are best served by going with the current that surrounds us anyway.

Here is a real life example of how I efficiently created synergy during a slack time. When I was in private practice as a bankruptcy attorney, there were typically two very slow periods, one in August when all the Judges, clients and other lawyers seemed to all be on vacation and the other around the Christmas holidays when Judges were on holiday and clients were shopping and spending. There was no realistic way to get any productive work done during this period. Instead, I would use these two slack periods to catch up on all my office filing and wrap up all the other non urgent paperwork that I tended to shunt aside during peak periods. Thus, I often looked forward to these two slack periods so that I could get my office caught up.

If we do not align ourselves with the energetic flow then we often create conflict or manifest exhaustion from going against our natural rhythm. Years ago, I used to get together with a group of River Guides and we would run cooperative trips. Most of the other guides lived near the river, while I lived a good 3 1/2 hours away from the river. On every trip, I used to push to get on the river, push to get lunch set up and then over with so we could get back on the river and then push to get off the river at the take out and so forth. I was focused on my long dive home and not on harmonizing with the energy and needs of the other guides who wanted a much more relaxed experience. We did not have overt conflict over it, but on the way home I would be frustrated and by the time I arrived home I would be exhausted rather than relaxed from a wonderful day on the river.

When we find ourselves listless and de-energized we need to determine if this is just a natural phase of the doldrums or is this the onset of depression. One way to evaluate this is to see if there is authentic action for us to do that we are postponing. If we are procrastinating on genuinely productive work, then perhaps this is a symptom of some underlying emotional current that needs to be addressed. On the other hand, we may be in an organic slack period where there is nothing directly helpful for us to do except wait and relax. In these natural slack times there will always be something useful for us to do, but it will not be so directly tied to whatever project we are focused on. Maybe we take a day off and go hike in the mountains or walk along the ocean. Maybe it is time to put everything aside and just get caught up on our gardening or art projects. Perhaps it is the right moment to organize other areas of our life, like getting the garage straightened up or the car cleaned and tuned up. These are indirect ways of keeping up momentum without trying to force situations.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Kayacking and the Three Levels of Awareness

The experience of abundance and prosperity in our lives occurs only in the present moment; however, the present moment is made up of many layers of awareness. If we want to enjoy prosperity then it helps to be conscious of how prosperity is manifested in our mind.

Spending several days kayaking on the river helped me see this more clearly and may provide a good backdrop for you as well. Running an actual stretch of rapid whitewater well is an exhilarating and satisfying experience of being one with nature and one with the moment. Each instant presents a moment of decision in which to adjust to the conditions on the river. There is a perfect balance between action and pausing, between flowing and powering through, between resting and exerting. There is an exquisite joy in manifesting the mind-body connection instantaneously, over and over again. It is near nirvana to make and remake my karma, millisecond by millisecond, as I adjust back into perfect balance and absolute center amidst the ebbs and flows of the river. At this level of awareness I am fully in the present moment and my heart fills with unlimited joy.

And yet, in all that present moment joy, I am always both fully in the present instant and aware of the line I am setting up my kayak for my run through the next set of rocks. In white water kayaking, particularly in a highly technical (complex and challenging) section of river, it is vital to choose a line that presents an opening to a great run. Choosing the wrong line, or misreading the water, or focusing too much on the present moment and ignoring the overall longer-range trends in the river impact the results, often in a dramatic way.

Thus, I suggest that running a stretch of white water rapids requires a combination of being present in the instant, being present in the near moment and planning for the future. All three are essential and simultaneous. Overlooking or ignoring any one of these aspects of kayaking will lead to a rocky experience. We need to be on the right river, going the right direction and in the right place and only by being fully aware of all of these dynamics in the same instant can we be fully present. The same is true in looking at our general prosperity consciousness. To be sure, there is no one “right” anything, just as there is no “wrong” anything. I use this phrase here to connote the optimum in the context of your goals, or the ideal in terms of your values or the optimum in relationship to your needs.

Here are three examples that illustrate this point: The first day that Debbie and I kayaked this summer, we did not get onto the river itself until after 4 pm. We did not know how long the trip on the river would take and were a little concerned about being on the river after dark. As our trip progressed, there was, in the back of our awareness, a little unease and a sense of urgency. We both felt a need to push a little on the flat stretches and be extra cautious not to get hung up in the shallow water and not to get flipped in the white water. We could be present in the instant as long as we kept in mind the physical fact that evening was approaching. Moving along at a good clip and preferring to stay as dry as possible due to the choice we’d made to set off when we did, was a part of our present moment experience.

On another trip many years ago, we left a car at the takeout some ten miles from the put-in. This would seem to make for an easy day of kayaking, but we did not take into account the distinction between river miles and road miles and the moderate pace of the river we were on. After an hour or two of winding along the river it was obvious we would never make it to the takeout site in time, (We pulled out near a house along the highway, used the cell phone that Debbie brought ( as part of her preparations) and called for help to come get us and drive us to our car). In this example, we were headed for an experience we did not want and thus headed in the wrong direction, (we needed to head to shore rather than keep paddling downstream).

On my very first whitewater kayaking trip, a friend took me on a river that was way too advanced for my skill level and I did not have sufficient cold weather gear. It was easily one of the most miserable days of my life because I tipped over within the first few feet of whitewater and swam in the icy cold water time and time again throughout the day. I was nearly numb from the cold. I was clearly on the wrong river, in terms of my skill level at the time, and the attire I was wearing given the temperature of the water. This is an example of being on the wrong river due to my lack of preparation and awareness.

The point of these three specific kayaking examples is that our present moment is always colored by the ongoing direction we are headed and the pre-planning (or lack thereof) we have made for our success. In each moment we want to be in the right (optimum) place, heading the right (ideal) direction and on the right (best) river.

Life is a journey that unfolds moment by moment in a sequence, just like a river is a flow of continuous particles of water traveling downstream. It is always true that our experience of prosperity is a choice, but at the same time we experience our own karma from the choices and actions we have already made. The decisions we make now, or the choices we avoid making now, all impact the flow in our life downstream.

If we put in on a river that is too difficult for us to navigate we are going to have a tough time when we reach the rapids. If we do not bring the proper safety gear we may have a very regrettable experience. In actual application, that means that sometimes I may choose a wide and relatively flat river to float so that I can enjoy the calm water and relax for a while as I drift down stream. If this is what I want to experience, then I must set this in motion by choosing a stretch of river that meets my need to float. If I choose a highly technical stretch of white water when I want to float, there is a mismatch between my intentions and my actions and I will be aware of them in the present moment.

It is, in both my experience and my opinion, a fallacy offered by some New Thought and Prosperity teachers that we can experience bliss moment by moment without being aware of the larger context of our life. We need to prepare for our optimum outcome be getting clear on our values, purpose, and the experience we want. If not, then we are in denial if we think ambiguous foresight will produce optimum results.

In any fully-present-moment experience, I am open to the awareness of what is momentarily in front of me so that I can navigate joyously that next section of my life smoothly. Ease and grace on the river are greatly amplified when I take a moment and set myself up for success for the next undertaking. Chaos and discomfort are sometimes the immediate result when I fail to make desirable adjustments, apparent in the moment, that increase the likelihood of success in the long run.

In terms of prosperity consciousness, the choices we make now set up the situations we will face in the near-term future and will impact our long-term future. If we study prosperity principles now, we set ourselves up for more prosperity in the near term and increase the chances of experiencing abundance in the long run. If we study something else, or decide to stay home and watch TV, then we need to be aware in that moment of the impact that choice makes on the next set of choices we will face.

When I was in college, as a Business Major, I once took a class in Italian Film because the time slot was perfect for my schedule, I needed a liberal arts elective and I thought the class would be interesting and easy. It seemed to be an ideal choice. However, I did not realize that it was a class only for Italian majors. Every word spoken in class, and in the films shown, was in Italian. My Italian goes no further than spaghetti and pizza. I stopped attending a few weeks after I realized the mistake and considered myself fortunate to receive a D+ grade.

I did not feel prosperous having taken the class as it dragged my grade point average down and it was a total waste of my tuition money. I did not experience joyous prosperity in that classroom experience because of the poor decisions I made leading up to that moment and no amount of mind treatment was going to change the fact that I did not prepare for an optimum outcome. Even though Italian Film was offered at the right time, it was the wrong class for me. I could have tried to be present to the joy in the moment and continued in the class, but it was not helping me in my long-term direction and pretending otherwise would not have resulted in acceptance of the moment. Instead my awareness of the moment would have been dulled by my denial of how remaining in the class impacted the rest of my choices.

One of our iconic and idealic images of someone being in the moment is the fly fisherman, casting his line into a beautiful pool of water on a remote scenic river. Trust me, he chose that river, and chose that spot, and chose the time of day and the fly that he was using and the waders he is wearing. A lot of practice went into that perfect cast of the fly. Not one aspect of his experience is random or accidental. The fly fisherman experiences bliss only to the extent that he is casting into the right spot with the right fly at the right time on the right river. So, in living a prosperous life, we are aware in each moment of the present moment, the near term moment and the long term moment. Our awareness includes being on the right river, heading the right direction and being in the right spot. This then is the full awareness that leads to true bliss.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Uncovering our authentic Self

We offer a system of proven spiritual tools that if applied systematically will inevitably result in your freedom from economic insecurity as well as your living a joyous, meaningful and prosperous life.


However, there is one thing that will undermine all of these teachings and which is guaranteed to result in your life being miserable and impoverished. That one thing is trying to be someone you are not. Let me explain by way of an example.


Many years ago when I had just begun my spiritual path, (after perhaps 5-6 years of dedicated work), I thought of myself as a monk. I did not then actually know what a monk really was, but I liked the idea of this and began calling myself a monk. However, a man who did know me confronted me when he heard me refer to myself as a monk and said words to the effect that I would never be a monk. He was emphatic almost to the point of outrage.


I have since met Tibetan Monks, Buddhist Monks, Hindu Monks, Zen Monks and a number of other monks, and my friend was right. I will just never be a monk. You see at the time that I was calling myself a monk, I really was a fierce and ruthless trial attorney- I was a seasoned and battle hardened litigator. Yes, I was on a spiritual path and eventually I would become a skilled and successful mediator and then a minister, but I was never going to become a monk. I was a seeker, a mystic, a maverick and perhaps a heretic, but not a monk.


The point is that if I had continued to try to be a monk I would not have been true to myself. I would have either been a spiritual fraud or a miserable failure. There is nothing wrong with being a monk, but it was not me and it was not my path. It was not authentic to my true nature. My friend who saw me so clearly as never being a monk was acting with ruthless compassion when he spoke up and confronted me. I have always been grateful for his courage to speak up. His words saved me from learning the hard way that I must be true to myself if I want joyous prosperity. Me wanting to be a monk was never going to result in my inner peace and fulfillment but me being a mystic and seeker has lead me to a life filled with joy, mystery, growth and blessings.


It has been my observation that one of the common ways that people fall into the trap of trying to be someone they are not is when they are trying to live out their understanding of the dreams/expectations of someone else. In my case, I had a girlfriend during the time I posed as a monk, who saw herself as a yogi. In order for her to be a yogi, she apparently projected that she needed a partner that was a monk. To my recollection she never said this out loud, but I certainly picked it up and ran with it because of my desire to please her and to be her partner on the spiritual path.


When someone we love wants us to fill the role that they need filled, our desire to please them can superficially supersede our own soul yearning. We see this so often when a parent wants their offspring to be a doctor or lawyer. They send them off to law school or medical school but right before the bar exam (or right before their medical boards) the child realizes that they are completely in the wrong field and are only doing it to please their parents. This type of thing happens all too often, as in youth sports or in Hollywood with child actors. In both cases the parent wants to have their child live out the parent's unfulfilled dreams of being an athlete or of being rich and famous and pushes the child out of their natural life trajectory into one that fulfills the needs of the parents.


It is very hard for the child to see this because their very self image is often dependent on pleasing their parents. When I was a teenager, my father projected that he would soon need a manager for the carpet/flooring sales division in his business. When I graduated from college I became a carpet salesman. The first seven or eight years of my career were to get approval and recognition from my father. It has been hard work for me to discover my own authentic self. I have had to be very intentional about it and make many mis steps along the way. If you find that you have given up a part of yourself to fulfill someone else’s dream or needs, be fierce in breaking the bond and be gentle with yourself in allowing yourself to grieve the losses inherent in this part of your journey.


A variant of powerful parent child dynamic is the overly rebellious or defiant child. They too temporarily loose their own way by defining themselves in conflict with their parents and the society in which they were raised. They are not able to read their own soul’s yearnings because it is overshadowed with their need to individuate against their parents. In this case, their authentic self gets lost because they are so attached to not being like their parents. It is somewhat ironic to see so many of the Hippie era youth now living very conventional middle class lives. They have become the very thing that they were rebelling against.


Another common pitfall is to continually wish for a life that is not really our own. I know someone who is very self reliant and competent and a very hard worker. She is organized and productive and forceful and a mature woman. She keeps wanting to be seen as a princess. Moreover, she wants to be seen as an elegant princess. (In her belief structure princesses are meant to be rescued and cared for, meant to enjoy beauty and elegance, and most importantly be adored and sought after for their grace, beauty and innocence). But unfortunately, in my judgment (and by her own admission) she is not really princess material: she does not have the sense of entitlement that the princess archetype requires. There is nothing wrong with being a princess if that is your true nature, but trying to be treated like a princess when it is not your true nature is never going to result in the experience of lasting joy or success.


Instead of holding on to an image of our selves that is not authentic, the path to a sense of welling being, inner peace and contentment will have to come from discovering an authentic self and then growing accordingly. To manifest an authentic self in real time will be work, but it is work that will energize and empower each step along the way.


There are rare times when someone else can see the gold within in us the way that Michelangelo could see the statue within a block of granite. All he needed to do was chip away the granite that was not the statue and he would have a masterpiece. They key here, of course, is that Michelangelo had the gift of vision. His eye could see in stark relief that which appeared to be hidden to the ordinary eye.


Most people have not manifested this level of insight, nor do they have the disinterested objectivity to be flawless in their seeing. The path to uncovering an authentic self requires rigorous honesty and self awareness. So far as I know, there are no short cuts. As best I can tell, it is the most interesting and compelling spiritual work that we can do. It is also the most rewarding and the most painfully humbling.


We teach that when you are being your authentic self, you cannot fail- your success if guaranteed. You will make mistakes along the way of course and learn from them with ease and grace- at least that is what I keep telling myself each time I make another mistake.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Reflections on kayaking, life, and prosperity

Six recent splendid days of whitewater kayaking have brought to mind some analogous thoughts about life and prosperity.

Rarely have I seen anyone kayak alone. There are a number of possible reasons; it is probably too dangerous to kayak without any back up on the river, logistically two cars are needed to run the shuttle from the put-in and take-out points and people tend to be social and enjoy shared experiences.

Likewise, I have rarely seen anyone prosper alone. Teamwork and companionship are powerful levers that provide back up, logistical assistance and emotional/social support. They may not be needed in economic flat water but they are essential in turbulent times.

A good kayak run requires harmonizing both the whitewater experience and the accompanying flat water. Both are inevitably present, at least they are at the skill level on the rivers that I kayak. For many years I thrived in the whitewater and was bored and restless in the flat water. In truth, I was insufferable in the flat water. My attitude ruined the trip for both myself and anyone accompanying me. I have learned that both sections of river require my attentive presence in order for the trip to be successful. While in the rapids I focus on the current and running the river and when in the flat water I focus on the natural beauty and majesty of the river.

In the same way, a good run in life requires us to harmonize between periods of high turbulence and times of calm. Both are inevitably going to be present in our lifetime. Being fully aware and present in each moment is crucial to an abiding sense of joy and prosperity. True prosperity transcends mere results and derives from enjoying life's journey itself. Finding the blessing in each moment is key.

Living life on life's terms means not trying to avoid any turbulence that may come our way. Avoidance is a symptom of a fear-based existence. Turbulence is a time of change that can be a blessing when embraced. Nothing is better at helping us get clear on our values and their priority. A shift in our status quo can motivate us to develop skills far outside our comfort zone and become open to new ideas we may have never explored. It is in times of turbulence that many of us find or become closer to a higher power because we are called to, and experience a new level of faith.

Stirring up trouble during periods of calm does not often lead to growth- it leads to conflict and drama. Organic chaos is integral to the evolutionary process, self-generated chaos is often self-sabotage.
Times of calm stability are times to savor the good already in your life. This is when you have the energy to deepen your friendships and expand your life in a more manageable and organized fashion. It is a place from which to give back and build a reservoir of good karma and support for times when you are in spiritual receivership.


Finally, it is usually desirable that the rivers that we kayak and those we whom we choose to run them share a common skill level. If we run rivers which are too difficult, we tend to experience disaster. If we take trips on rivers that do not challenge us, then we get bored and find something more engaging to occupy us. A river with just the right degree of difficulty for us brings out the best overall experience: exhilaration and confidence coupled with safety and success.

The same principle also applies to those with whom we journey on the river. Compatibility in skill level leads to a positive shared experience while incompatibility leads to chaos, conflict or disaster. Imagine going down a river that is too difficult for your confidence level with someone who is an adrenaline junky and impatient every time you want to pause and catch your breath. Conversely, think about how it would be to go kayaking with someone who is so timid and out of their depth that each little ripple is met with anguish and a desire to turn back. (It is really hard to turn back on a river trip once you are on the water.) The enjoyment of a good river trip arises from within, however for me what makes a great trip is the blending of my skill and interest level with those on the river with me, as well as from the overall stretch of water that we choose to run.

This is true in terms of your life and prosperity as well. In the end, as the Beatles said, "...the love you take/ Is equal to the love you make". We are going to attract into our life people who are at about the same overall level of consciousness that we have at the time. We all are going to outgrow some friends, relationships or jobs and some friends, relationships and jobs are going to outgrow us. Rather than blaming others for this, or in some other way finding fault, it is a wiser course to bless the time shared with them and trust that the love you received is equal to the love you gave.